We have so many plans, so many desires, and become ambitious. But when not one, not two, not three but four plans come together and we need to choose only one, that's the time we realized, we need to have one firm side to hold onto. So we start questioning questions. Sometimes lead to an answer, most of the times, we became puzzled. Sometimes the answer seems so vivid today, but tomorrow it could be the opposite.

I am in that phase now.

I have been asking myself the same questions every day for the past two weeks.

What is the thing that matters most in my life?

How should I prioritize things?

Who do I really want to be?

Where do I lead my life to?

People succeed, people fall, people meet with obstacles, people deal the challenges, people who has it all, people who make things seem easy.... People run away from problem?

It has always be that my FAMILY is my highest priority. But now the weighing scale is trying to balance and proportionate between family and CAREER.

Why can't I have them both? I think I can have them both, but just not the same par. In my current case, one has to be lower than the other. Ibnu has been listening to my "super smooth plan" while driving every day after work, but the super smooth plan is always changing every two or three days. I can't make up my mind!

Now. I have to decide. Fast. I have to plan. REAL plans. And make them work.

For the sake of the family. For the sake of the career. Come on, Munirah! You are better than this. Hopefully all turn well, insyaAllah...

...

Assalamualaikum....

My dear wall friend,

Just to let u know that this girl in front of you PC, is having a turbulence mixed feeling.

I can't do work since morning, sebab asyik fikir this one BIG thing.

In the end now baru tengahari I dah rasa pening kepala migraine menyerang dunia berpusing2. Huhuhu.

I called Ibnu, he's just about to enter surau, and at the same time was talking to someone else kat sana, and the line is not so clear, so...... cakap for one minute then I ended the line. Uhuks.

I called my mother, but just managed to talk with her for two minutes before her students arrived, masuk makmal science. So..... still..... tak dapat nak really luahkan what I feel right now.

So, here I am. Pressing keyboards and hoping that this will help to soothe a bit my rasa haru biru ni.

I need to decide whether I want to stay in this EM company, so move back to my old precious P company. I received a call somewhere early this year from P, saying that they need one person to help them with dadadadadaaa. Excitedly I said, yes! Sebab at that time my contract dah nak habis and not sure akan di-extend or tak. (And rupanya it's extended until end of this year.) But back then tak tahu kan, so I just went for the interview etc, and last week I received the offer letter to report duty on 1st September 2014. Yes, just a month plus gap from now.

And.....

Now I'm confused.

I even more confused because my current company already put some plan for me. Nanti after current contract habis, they gonna offer new contract, with new department and new workscope. Even now they are passing few tasks related to that position to me, konon2 for familiarization purposes.

How to choose? To stay here or to go back to my old team in Terengganu?

WORKWISE -- I'll choose Terengganu. I'm pretty sure I'll be happier there working with my good teammates and bosses. What about current u ask? Current... Hmm... I don't feel like I'm contributing much. I was dragged away from my expertise and experience, and was "forced" to do something that even no one knows HOW to REALLY do it. That something is never been done in any Malaysia's oil n gas platform. I don't have real situation to study, to become my reference. Neither no books nor manuals. And my technical judgment is not as good yet. So, kind of rasa macam lintang pukang and helpless. :'(

FAMILYWISE -- This one is hard. How about Amina? Ibnu? Can I manage Amina by myself? I need maid. Will that maid loves my child? Is it safer for Amina to be in nursery or stays at home, taken care by maid? Long distance relationship, how bad is that? How bad it can be? I don't know......... (T_____T)

FINANCIALLYWISE -- My current pay is very high; out of my expectation at all, subhanallah, alhamdulillah. Offer from P is a bit lower than my current earn. But the future offer from current company with the new position will be much lower than P's offer. $$$ Money is not really an issue - for now. Maybe later in future bila kitorang jauh or maybe if kitorang dekat pon but because future pay is gonna be much less, that time maybe akan rasa that $$$ money is an issue jugak. Again, to answer this question now -- I don't know. :'(

I don't like to be in this situation - not knowing what to do.

Hate it hate it hate it.

It would be much easier if I can work with P and have Ibnu together with us. Am I too demanding? :'(

Rindu kerja lama.

Rindu company lama.

Rindu rakan2 sekerja lama.

Rindu nak travel2 berkejar-kejaran naik flight.

Rindu nak stay kat hotel 4, 5 star.

Rindu nak breakfast kat hotel.

Astaghfirullah 10000xxxxxxx......

Bersyukur apa yang ada kini. Yang lama biar jadi kenangan indah. Agar tahu menilai dan menghargai apa yang ada kini.

#moderindudendamberapimembara

Selama2 kerja kat exxon ni, belum pernah dapat workstation sendiri yang memang khas untuk diri sendiri. Awal2 masuk last year, duduk 1 bilik menumpang dengan sorang staff exxon ni. Tapi rasanya dalam 2 bulan je kat situ. Lepas tu kitorang 1 team kena tukar naik 1 floor atas. So, masa tu, bilik2 yang ada dah fully occupied oleh orang2 lain yang lebih senior..

Saya??

Kena duduk kat meja admin. (~___~)

Duduk aje laaaa... Awal2 tak fikir apa2 pon. Tapi lama2, baru rasa "bahang"nya duduk kat meja admin tu. Dah la sebelah bilik meeting. So, memang ramai la yang ingat saya ni admin baru.

Paham2 je la kalau dah jadik admin tu kan. Mula2 tak kesah la bila tah sape2 tah berhenti kat meja saya and macam bagi arahan, "You tolong passkan document ni kat si dia si dia ni ek?"

Tak pon, "You ada pen tak?" "Stapler?" "Envelope?"

"You tolong checkkan dalam system, apa email si dia si dia ni ek?"

"You tahu tak sape yang book bilik meeting ni?"

Dannnn macam2 lagi la. Semua tu adalah orang2 kat bangunan exxon tu yang telah meng-assume saya ni admin assistant.

Dah sape suruh setuju nak dok kat meja admin kannn.. Fadan muka awoks. Heheheee...

Owh and normally saya tak menolak pon bila dapat "arahan" camtu dari tah sape2. Buatttt aje lerwww.. Malas nak meng-explain. Lain lah kalau orang tanya,"You admin siapa yer kat sini?"

Ha.... tu baru den jawab, den bukan admin. Den ni CMMS coordinator. Huhuhuhu~~~~

Dah lepas tu orang tu tanya pulak, CMMS tu apa? Hehehe.. Maka den pon cerita yo lahhh. Hehe...

So, alhamdulillah, harini (after dah berbulan2 kerja kat sini), dapat lah saya bilik sendiri.... Dapatlah sedikit privacy.... Hehehehe... Exxon ni lain sikit. Exec dia memang duduk dalam bilik. Tapi ada jugak exec yang dok kat cubicle luar, depends pada project lah...

And saya pon title je CMMS coordinator, buat kerja nye langsung takde dalam jobscope. Buat operations technical. Tak kesah la kan..... Cenggini la nasib contractor. Buat je apa2 yang disuruh. Nak sambung carik rejeki la katakan... Sape suh berani2 masuk dunia "contractor". Dah elok2 permanent dalam petronas dulu, pi resign.... sape suruh? Takde sapa suruh. Sendiri yang mahu. Sebab nak dekat dengan husband. Heheeheheheeeeee....

Wokeyh, den pon happy ja ni. Sebab 1 hari dari pagi tadi tak buat kerja satu hapa pon. Awal2 datang dok packing2, lepas tu kena pindah2, lepas tu kena kemas2 balik. Now dok main blog n surf tenet. Ish333....

Hehehe.... Sat2gi arrr kitew sambung kerja balik~~~~ Ngeeee.... (^___^)




Tempat lama sebagai admin berjaya. Hahaha. Barang2 dah habis clear kena angkut. Tinggal computer2 je..




View kat sebelah meja lamakuuu~




Selalu skodeng mat saleh dengan minah salehah swimming2 kat pool tu.. Kui333




Meja baru... Bilik sendiri~ Hik hik




Canggih sikit, dah ada arm rest bagai... Semangat sikit ye dokkk.. Hihi



Rindu plaks nak menulis~
Tapi asyik bertangguh2 sebab laptop best cikabey bawak ke turkmenistan. Laptop yang ada tu tak boleh nak transfer gambar dari phone. Asyik error je tak berhenti. Tapi ni da gian sangat. Tulis aje la ye dok? Tak tahu la ada yang membaca ke tak. Hoho.

Life sekarang ni macam ni lah. Kadang2 rindu life kat Kerteh, especially bila every time merempuh jem. Wo ho. Menguji keimanan betoi jem jem ni tau! Kadang tu asyik buat kitorang gadoooo aje. Sebab saya ni la. Penakut pelik2. Takut brek kereta tak makan la. Takut potong line tapi tak tengok cermin sisi kereta tu la. Takut macam2 la. Akibatnye tensi la cikabey yang dok pegang stereng tu. Hahaha. Rindu plaks kat cikabey ni. Dah 2 minggu tak jumpa. Sobss.

Now dah 5 bulan kerja kat sini. Workload okay la. Sangat light and easy je rasa, compare dengan masa kerja kat Kerteh dulu. Bak kata boss, kerja kitorang dok buat ni macam experience data entry clerk je. Cisss.. Itu pandangan dia rupanya. Hahahohohihi.

Tapi baru2 ni telah di-inform, yang diorang bukak 1 job opening as operations technical engineer kat sini. Boss suruh try apply. Happy sangat masa tu. Rasa macam dihargai pulak bila boss kata position ni macam naik pangkat. (Pada mata dia la kot. Padahal sama level je macam sekarang ni. Still technical. Still executive jugak huhu). Hmmm terasa hasil kerja beberapa bulan ni ada yang monitor la kot. Eheks eheks eheks. Kembang semangkuk sat. 

Tapi tu la. Bila baca job scope dia... Dah boleh bayang dah working life lepas ni camana. (Tu pon kalau dapat la. Hihi). Mesti BIZI SANGAT SANGATTTTT~ Aaaaaaaaa~~~~ Haruskah daku terima. Huhuhu. Lagi 1, sekarang ni memang la contract jugak kerjanya saya ni, tapi kitorang dapat monthly rate tau. Siap ada entitlement annual leave bagai. So kalau cuti2 pon, gaji tetap camtuuu je jugak. Yang engineer punya ni, daily rate! Habissss la daku nak bercuti2 ke apa ke. Kalau dibuatnya sebulan tu memang banyak public holiday, berapa je gaji nye nanti?? Wuwuwuwu~~~

Eh chop2. Ape yang dok meroyan gaji bagai ni? Komfem belum lagi tau. Interview pon belum lagi. Har har har~ (T_____T)

Dah2. Kalau dapat nanti baru sembang kencang. Nak fikir rate rate ke apa tu. Itu kemudian punya cerita. Hehe. (>____<)