Thursday, July 17, 2014


My dear wall friend,

Just to let u know that this girl in front of you PC, is having a turbulence mixed feeling.

I can't do work since morning, sebab asyik fikir this one BIG thing.

In the end now baru tengahari I dah rasa pening kepala migraine menyerang dunia berpusing2. Huhuhu.

I called Ibnu, he's just about to enter surau, and at the same time was talking to someone else kat sana, and the line is not so clear, so...... cakap for one minute then I ended the line. Uhuks.

I called my mother, but just managed to talk with her for two minutes before her students arrived, masuk makmal science. So..... still..... tak dapat nak really luahkan what I feel right now.

So, here I am. Pressing keyboards and hoping that this will help to soothe a bit my rasa haru biru ni.

I need to decide whether I want to stay in this EM company, so move back to my old precious P company. I received a call somewhere early this year from P, saying that they need one person to help them with dadadadadaaa. Excitedly I said, yes! Sebab at that time my contract dah nak habis and not sure akan di-extend or tak. (And rupanya it's extended until end of this year.) But back then tak tahu kan, so I just went for the interview etc, and last week I received the offer letter to report duty on 1st September 2014. Yes, just a month plus gap from now.


Now I'm confused.

I even more confused because my current company already put some plan for me. Nanti after current contract habis, they gonna offer new contract, with new department and new workscope. Even now they are passing few tasks related to that position to me, konon2 for familiarization purposes.

How to choose? To stay here or to go back to my old team in Terengganu?

WORKWISE -- I'll choose Terengganu. I'm pretty sure I'll be happier there working with my good teammates and bosses. What about current u ask? Current... Hmm... I don't feel like I'm contributing much. I was dragged away from my expertise and experience, and was "forced" to do something that even no one knows HOW to REALLY do it. That something is never been done in any Malaysia's oil n gas platform. I don't have real situation to study, to become my reference. Neither no books nor manuals. And my technical judgment is not as good yet. So, kind of rasa macam lintang pukang and helpless. :'(

FAMILYWISE -- This one is hard. How about Amina? Ibnu? Can I manage Amina by myself? I need maid. Will that maid loves my child? Is it safer for Amina to be in nursery or stays at home, taken care by maid? Long distance relationship, how bad is that? How bad it can be? I don't know......... (T_____T)

FINANCIALLYWISE -- My current pay is very high; out of my expectation at all, subhanallah, alhamdulillah. Offer from P is a bit lower than my current earn. But the future offer from current company with the new position will be much lower than P's offer. $$$ Money is not really an issue - for now. Maybe later in future bila kitorang jauh or maybe if kitorang dekat pon but because future pay is gonna be much less, that time maybe akan rasa that $$$ money is an issue jugak. Again, to answer this question now -- I don't know. :'(

I don't like to be in this situation - not knowing what to do.

Hate it hate it hate it.

It would be much easier if I can work with P and have Ibnu together with us. Am I too demanding? :'(

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